Alli (neugotik) wrote,

What are your relationship 'basic needs' ?

I can't recommend this book enough; it's the most down-to-earth & legit. "relationship" book I've ever read - the premises are simple, but I think they are true.

One is, the "love bank" - that is every time someone makes you feel good, or you have fun together they get "deposits" into your love bank - everytime you deal with a stressful situation or are unhappy with someoone they get "withdrawls" from your love bank - thus, the people you live with, often get many more 'withdrawls' just dealing w/the practical stuff- so... you have to have other things that are positive refilling the bank -even more then other friends, because .. they are just around you a lot more. If that makes sense.

The other main idea (which is really the bulk of the book) is that we all have "needs" or expectations in a relationship, and these are different for different people. So, while there are a basic "10 needs" that cover most aspects of relationship interactions - we can't be good on all of them: it's too difficult, so we try & are really good at a few of them. So are every person who we know. Thus, the question becomes: if you could have 5 of your "needs" met by one partner, your love bank would constantly be refilling & you would probably be quite happy with that person, even living together. Ok - well what are the needs?

I'll present them "poll style" - choose the 5 you feel you would Most like to have (hopefully you would get some of all of them, but really - what are the 5 needs you have to have, or you would fell "something's missing"/"I'm unhappy partnering with this person") - be honest! LOL.

So, here's the poll - no answers are wrong - I'm really curious what people consider their top 5 needs to be content in their relationship. Thanks - I hope you find this interesting, too.
Poll #756335 what are your top 5 "needs" in a relationship?

This is based on the idea of Willard F. Harley's book - Not everyone wants all & you may have more then 5 of these needs, but choose the top 5 "needs" you couldn't go without in a relationship, and stay happy. Pick 5 ! None of these are more or less legit - it's hard to pick just 5! But, if that's all you know someone could be really good at - what would you choose??

Affection (this would be "showing affection", i.e. snuggling, holding hands, kissing, gifts, etc.)
Sexual Fulfillment (getting enough sex, and so on)
Conversation (talking about stuff, ideas, the day - whatever, just the need of conversing; listening & talking regularly)
Recreational Companionship (doing fun stuff together, do you want/need your partner there? i.e. games, trips, working out together, cooking together, etc.)
Honesty & Openness (this is the need for your partner to disclose everything, not just 'not lying' but also telling you everything, not hiding or withholding information
An attractive Spouse(being clean -not just being 'pretty' - i.e. hygeine, being nice smelling, also staying Fit, and being well-dressed - anything that makes a person 'more attractive')
Financial Support (this is needing to have your partner kick in on the finances - they'll help make money & share it)
Domestic Support(this is getting help from your partner cleaning the house, dishes, laundry, all these day to day items)
Family Commitment (this is being a good parent - contributing to taking care of the kids)
Admiration (this is basically respect, & getting some kind of acknowledgement that you are admired; your skills, intelligence, career)
Tags: ideas, polls, psychology

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