Alli (neugotik) wrote,
Alli
neugotik

  • Mood:

yeah - rant for your freedom lady.

I'm frustrated: while I've lost enough weight that my new bra doesn't fit right (loose on top & back) - I have not lost enough, so that the _queen_ size tights I got are tight around my thighs. *Sigh*

Stick to the plans lady, but also: research IBS, it's obviously affecting this, as your stomach gets so upset/consti./dia/crampy when you reduce food or change diet. Ug.

Also, join some weight loss groups on here - both should help.

And, buy that damn elliptical already, really. Fuck anyone who says you can't exercise, they can screw off! *My body* I can be fit if I want to & they have no fucking right to whine at me about it (yes, Angelo - let me get fit & shutup, you whiner - you always sabatoge my efforts to eat better or exercise with your complaints & verbal doubts: Do me a big favor & just keep them to yourself. I don't want to hear it, don't need to hear it & don't deserve to hear it.

: it's all part of the control thing: I'm trapped by you, this body, all the doubts in me, all the negative feedback, the name calling, the insults, the complaints, plus I have no money free anything I get is used by the budget: house, full time childcare for all the kids, food, gasoline - then you push over the M&I debt to me, try to get me to take your gameshop BestBuy debt when you watched the kids- but now you aren't so you get that back man, I can't pay it! You didn't even ask me before you put 2,000 dollars on the card in my name, Did Not even Ask! And then the schedule: I have no free time - ever.

I have not gone out on my own in 2 months, since early August. I can go anywhere I can take the kids - which is fun. But I can't do anything else, no hanging out with friends, no exercise, no team sports, no gym, no adult anything - no classes. Finally because the neighbor & a friend took turns with my kids I was able to take 2 beading classes. My first classes in 8 years (since I met you) _ and I went to a concert for the first time in 6 years. 6 years.

Somehow, (& I don't think I'm being paranoid, I think it just comes together this way)
it seems like it is all co-ordinated to one end: me, no freedom, me paying all the bills, me watching the kids all the time, me never going out, me never meeting anyone, me not keeping up my friendships, me not staying fit, me not getting any personal time, nor any decent clothes, nor any entertainment: it's horrid.

I refuse to play this dumb game anymore.
Tags: diet, exercise, fitness, nutrition, personal freedoms
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