Alli (neugotik) wrote,

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night mumblings...

So, I woke up feeling this morning, feeling as if I were bare to the world & naked, because my room was so bare & clear.... all the clutter is out of my room, the closet is empty of the bins that have been there since my bro. passed on, and everything was completely off the floor - the clothes are all hung up instead of in piles on the bed, and there's just the shelves left to "neaten" up. It's sad it took this long, but it's like all that mess was a big coat hiding me... like it was my protective cave or den. Now it's clear & exposed, but it feels rather refreshing, even if a bit vulnerable. It's nice to lighten the "shell" - but I have to face the reality of it; it's just another form of denial - next step lighten the personal body, that "shell" / defense/ hiding system.

Work was awesome. The release manager I work with the most, is really hilarious & wicked smart. I love working with smart people who are low-key & have a sense of humor. That's the best. He lives in Seattle but he flies around constantly; which is ineresting. Technically we have the same "title" but he flies from site to site each week & I stay here nearby HQ - I would expect he gets paid more, or it was a personal choice of his to fly around. This week he's in NJ; next week he's in MN - he flies home for weekends. It seems a bit excessive to me to fly people around, but perhaps he has other training responsibilities? I donno; but it's nice to work with him.

Now I'm really sleepy. I went to bed at 3:something am (3:30?) and planned to wake up at 6:30 but I hit the snooze button on until 7am. Heh. I still didn't sleep much. Was too busy cleaning, to be honest. Pathetic: I know. But I still hold on to this optimism that I'll cross over the threshold & the house will suddenly be manageable & clean (LOL! yeah - no really, I do believe that. It's like hiking a mountain: you just keep going up then suddenly the peak is under you & you're looking out over an amazing view, and it's awesome). So: it's worth it.

That's it, going to get the kids to bed, then me too: I'm sleepy.

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