Alli (neugotik) wrote,
Alli
neugotik

  • Music:

responsibilities and adrenaline - side rant about religion, sorry.

on another topic that's nagging me (so I can't sleep, or because I can't sleep) ever notice how when all the responsibilities are done , a surge of energy and alertness comes forth?


It's like: wow, I was drowsy and so ready to sleep at 7pm. Then I finally got everything done for "the day" the checklist is basically good - and now, NOW? I have energy. Stupid brain Stupid body. Where is this adrenaline when I have any use for it? It is not like I have a boyfriend or partner to spend time with - I just suddenly have excess energy, and .. it's dark and a I'm alone, except for sleeping kids.

Hm, guess I'll change the laundry & clean my room - not like I have anything fun to do at this hour.

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Oh, and another side- note : just while I'm doing a mental mind-dump of concerns: Buddhism is not an easy religion: it's freaking intense and studied. I don't understand why so many slacker types try to take it up: go to Paganism or something low key with mediation and reflection : Buddhism is actually very strict and hard. I donno. Not that I am, personally,either: Ijust am shocked by the people drawn to this who then, don't put time and study into it (no one on my flist take this personallY: this is really a global rant not directed any any of my, actually numerous, friends who are Buddhist &/or Pagan: both religions are beautiful and good, you will certainly find your own paths) but - really Buddhism is so technical and specific and restrictive in some very intense ways. I donno. Not that Pagan or Wicca or any other religion is any easier - I'm sure every choice has it's restrictive and lax edges and the norm in the middle, it's just my perspective and rambling here.. sorry if I offended anyone.

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gah. Laundry, then I'm going off to my bed to try to just lie in the dark until I sleep. usually works. eventually.

My mind is like an orchard
Clustered in frozen portraits
Blossoms that bloom so fine, just to drop from the vine
I've seen them all tonight

Who'd keep a silent orchard
I'll shove it all to the floor boards
Her rusty heart starts to whine, in its telltale time so
For freedom tonight

Life is a measly portion
A light on good friends and fortune
It strips you away inside, drawn all your blinds
Conceal it all from sight

Excerpt from "tonight" - by Tv on the Radio
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