Alli (neugotik) wrote,

  • Music:

finding me

Personal notes:

I've lost inches, but not weight. But beyond that - I feel healthier - no matter if I don't drop weight the exercise throughout the week is just good for me & I feel good about it. Yesterday I even jumped rope for 15 minutes & I can still do some of the tricks I did as a kid - hee hee. Jumping rope is a really good workout!

My home is starting to look like it did before marriage: decorated walls of art, fashion & fitness girlie type magazines around, the kids toys in the kids room and playroom... & the main areas being used for what they're designed for (dining room for dining, the living room for entertainment, my bedroom for sleeping) - my bed is almost always made, my clothes are smaller & more my style. My windows are open & full of sunlight - I don't have to shutter them up for someone else. There are fresh flowers & boquets of drying flowers around ... and Overall I feel that my home is showing that inside I am starting to relax and be "myself" again.

It is amazing how much of myself I lost when I got into my serious relationship of over 8 years: I gave up too much of me. I'm not going to do that again. I stopped going to music & films, stopped taking classes & exercising... and I stopped being sardonic or witty and silly and me. And I am finally getting back to me.

I've come to this place, now realizing it's not worth trying to change or edit myself to please someone else. It's not healthy to muffle & stifle one's self expression and joy to accomidate or take care of another- that's not healthy & I hope I keep remembering that if I ever do start dating someone again.

And that those who love you will love your real self and want you to be 100% whole and healthy, and laughing - they revel in you as you are and not as someone who puts everyone else first.
Tags: goals, ideas, notes to self, psychology, sociology

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